When the Question of Head vs Heart First Arose
Not long ago I did an inquiry about the differences and comparisons, not to say conflict, between my brain and my heart. It moved me to tears, and I want to share some of the insights, in hopes they might speak to you as well.
Discovering the Brain as My Safe Place
I started by noticing, and accepting that for me, my head/brain is the safe place to hang out. I kinda knew this, but it has became clearer and more poignant as I have continued to explore the territory. (One useful session was with Kiran {aka Mystic Girl in the City}, whom I highly recommend. She’s insightful and her sessions are reasonable and accessible.)
The Head as a Long-Standing Default
I have come to see (with a certain amount of resistance and sadness), that my brain (I could also call it the head center), has habitually been my safe haven. It’s been my default resource and go-to location, my solace in times of trouble, The Place from Which I typically make decisions, figure things out, make meaning….
Gratitude for the Mind’s Service
As I write this, I take a deep breath, and thank (from the bottom of my heart!), this center — the head, this amazing organ — my brain, for all its hard work, for its good intentions, for all the service it has given, and will give me and the world…
Listening to the Voice of the Head
What happened next?I felt into the head center, and invited it to speak to me. I noticed that it felt clear, crisp, and also a bit hard, and as I stayed with the experience, I felt a kind of guardedness, a deeply grooved pattern of wanting to get it right, to understand… It’s tiring, not to say stressful, this vigilance, this hyper-attention. I noticed both excitement and curiosity, as well as agitation and impatience… quite a mix. I then noticed that there is an enormous amount of efforting, trying, not to say struggling, when the brain thinks it’s in charge. Better, make that is convinced it’s in charge! It really is convinced.
Dropping Down Into the Heart
So now I drop down into my heart. I get chills as I write this, recalling, reliving the shift I noticed, am noticing. My face gets more relaxed, my heart area expanded and both have a quality of luminosity. My body relaxes. I soften, experience a knowingness, an OKness, acceptance. I pay attention, surrender to what’s arising… Big shifts. Make that huge shifts. Momentous.
Realizing Neither Head Nor Heart Is in Control
At the same time, (even if it is not always my experience), neither my head (nor my heart, for that matter!) is ultimately in charge… no matter how strongly it thinks so. As I become more awake, more conscious, I also become more aware of this, attuned.
Touching the Deeper Truth of Being
It’s becoming more transparent that what I think is me, my mind, or thoughts, or even heart or body, at a deeper, truer level, is the Mystery, the Absolute, God/god, Being… (choose your term), arising and manifesting at this location…(and your location :-))
When the Mind Rebels
This all doesn’t “make sense” in the normal way. My mind continues to rebel, and periodically tries to assert itself. But once this dropping is experienced, there is no turning back. This is true becoming: journeying more and more deeply toward not only authenticity, but toward my true home.
