Background: Forgiveness and flow. I recently wrote about Accepting the Unacceptable, how when I was able to stop resisting the mind-rattling, bone-shattering off-road driving on a recent trip, I actually came to enjoy, and even find some benefits in the rough rides! When a situation is uncomfortable, painful or hurtful, it only too easy and tempting to feel self-righteous, and indulge in judgement and dismissal. Not only does acceptance seem impossible, forgiveness is totally out of the question. Plus, I am not at all attuned to the damage the resistance and judgement are creating in my body and mind.
Current situation: OK, I get it, that when I have a hard time accepting, let alone forgiving, myself or another, it is generally because I find the thoughts or behavior unacceptable. Some typical examples: “How could I interrupt my partner, yet again (even though my comment was sooo relevant!)”, or “Wow, I really didn’t even take a breath before launching on that diatribe. Will I never learn!” I can berate myself, fall into negative patterns, and forgiveness is off the radar. Or when someone else is reactive and accusatory, and shows blaming and judging patterns, obviously damaging a relationship that was important to me, forgiveness seems out of the question.
Deepening: Diving into the experiences a bit, it becomes abundantly clear that holding on to resentment, clinging to the judgments and the finger pointing, is nothing less than acidly toxic. At some point I began to recall the key teachings on forgiveness that I have learned, but not integrated: we cannot be sure that our forgiveness will be accepted by, let alone change, the other person. Even so, the act of forgiving is beneficial to me, to my inner life; it reduces blockages which hamper energy and vitality. It invites flow and aliveness.
Shifts and Gifts: Apropos forgiveness and flow: I’m enjoying Chi Gong now, learning and practicing energy work and experiencing its healing potential. When I start a session, I will notice my emotional and physical pain and stuck places. I can actually feel how the energy is blocked and clogged. It’s very cool. When I do the energy work, accepting and forgiving myself, the flow that happens is palpable. When I live my life in this mode, things are so much more easy and relaxed, and hiccups that happen can be taken in stride. It such a gift that the act of forgiving is beneficial to me, to my inner life; it reduces blockages which hamper energy and vitality. It invites flow and aliveness. What gifts indeed!
Resources: One of my trusted sites, the DailyOm recently had a piece called The Importance of Forgiveness. “If we harbor bitterness in our hearts against anyone, we only hurt ourselves because we are the ones harboring the bitterness. Choosing to forgive is choosing to alleviate ourselves of that burden, choosing to be free of the past, and choosing not to perceive ourselves as victims.” Got it!
Another of my favorite teachers, Rick Hanson, had a Just One Thing, (JOT), called Let It Flow. “...stay mindful and at peace with the ever-changing stream of consciousness . . . and with the inevitable ups and downs of the body and the world . . . even with changes that are understandably heart-aching and alarming.”
Forgiveness and flow: a healing pair.
Jill Schroder is the author of BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity. BECOMING is an invitation for self-reflection, and to mine our memorable moments for insights, meaning, and growth. Check the website for a sample chapter, or see the reviews to get a flavor for the volume. Your feedback, forwards, tweets, likes are most welcome! 🙂
